


Loaf Is All You Knead

by WhereTheWildThingsWent



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, Try Guys Eat Sandwiches, TryGuysEatSandwiches, mentions of the truth about condensed milk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15654105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereTheWildThingsWent/pseuds/WhereTheWildThingsWent
Summary: They just wanted to get a sandwich dammit





	Loaf Is All You Knead

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 3 am and didn't let myself stop until I finished it. I regret nothing - yet.  
> Loosely based on Meghan's dream. Meghan, you know who you are, you beautiful soul.

It was a day in LA which means that it was sunny because clouds haven’t been invented there. Keith said to the other Try Guys: “Guys! We have to go to the grocery store!” And he was right, because they ran out of bread, collectively. Keith is right about a lot of things. One of those things is his stance on condensed milk, although he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing it online. 

They went to the grocery store, the four of them holding hands. When they walked in the store, they felt the cool breeze of the airco that stores always hang right in front of the doors or at least where I come from I don’t know what your life I’m sorry for assuming things. But Eugene was really feeling himself with his hair in the fake wind and he was serving face like no tomorrow. Everyone in the store was living for it, except for this one lady who threw an onion at them because they were blocking the doors. They got the hint and moved out of the way. 

“Alright guys,” Ned said, once they were all gathered in a circle. “We’ve got a list of all these ingredients that we need to make the perfect sandwich andwe need to go catch them all.” He was wearing his ‘I love my wife Ariel to whom I am legally wedded as a husband spouse’ t-shirt. He has one for every day of the week. It was a Tuesday, so he wore the yellow version. Tuesdays were his favorite. They decided to split up so they could each concentrate on their individual tasks. 

Zach got upset that he had to get the cheese because cheese makes him poop weird, so he just wandered off and decided to do his own thing and I support that. You go, Zach. Follow your dreams, wherever they may lead you. We’re all rooting for you. 

Meanwhile, Keith was having some trouble in the back of the store. He had to pick out the buns, but the collection was very big and Keith just couldn’t decide. There were white buns, golden brown ones, and even some delicious dark malt buns. Keith loved all of them equally. He wept silently, in awe of their beauty. The bakery assistant asked if he was okay. He was not. 

Eugene just didn’t and to be there at all. 

Ned, on the other hand, was very passionate about getting the right butter. He was just checking out the sodium levels on the salted butter when Zach approached him.  
“Ned, I’m thinking this sandwich needs corn. What do you think?” He was cradling five cobs in his arms as if they were his corn babies.  
“No Zach,” Ned sighed, annoyed that he had been disturbed from his label reading. It one of his favorite pastimes. It was something he loved to do in the evenings with his wife whom he loved even more. “Corn is not on the list.” He explained.  
“I really think this sandwich would benefit from some corn.” Zach tried again because he believes in his truth and is willing to defend it. Ned gave him a stern look. “Put the corn back, young man!” But Zach yelled: “No! I am their Corn Daddy and I will never let go!” He then ran away to hide in the shampoo aisle. Because I contrast to the US president, he knew that family separation can do irreversible damage to the minds of young corn children and also people in general just don’t separate families thanks. 

“Hey,” Eugene said to Ned, “I think Keith is crying.” Ned rolled his eyes because he really didn’t want to be dealing with this right now. Loving his wife, he turned around.  
“Keith, can you like not for 5 seconds.” All Keith could do was whimper: “They’re so beautiful.” No one heard, but he knew. He also knew the truth about condensed milk. We will never know the truth about condensed milk. It is a burden we all have to live with. 

Eugene was just very done with everyone’s bullshit. You could tell because he was rolling his eyes a lot.

That was also the moment that Zach came back with a large bag of nuts. He also brought a grocery cart. All his five corn children were put in the baby seat. They loved it.  
“Guys, here’s a concept. Cashew nuts.”  
“I hate to break it to you but those already exist,” Eugene said, disinterestedly.  
“Yes but take that cashew and put it on a sandwich.” Zach clearly knew what he was talking about because he made an explosion gesture and also made ‘BWOOOSH’ sound.  
“A whole new experience.” 

Eugene was not having it. 

“Zach, that’s a dumb idea and you need to be stopped.” He tried to take the bag of nuts from Zach’s hands, but the Corn Father screeched: “KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM MY NUTS, EUGENE LEE YANG!!” Eugene didn’t try again, because it’s important to respect other people’s nuts and Eugene is a good boi. 

“Hello Guys,” A shop lady said. She was holding a plate of cheese bits. “Would you like to try a cheese?”  
“No thanks,” Zach said. “It makes me poop weird.”  
“No thanks,” Ned said. “I love my wife.”  
“That’s beautiful.” The shop lady replied and walked away.  
Eugene wanted to leave.  
Keith was still crying. He wasn’t wearing a shirt anymore and no one knew where it went. Happily, Ned always carried a spare ‘I love my wife’ shirt that Keith could borrow. 

“Guys,” Ned said. “I know we all have our struggles and we are just small humans, trying to make the best of our extremely limited time on this planet, mostly falling down and sometimes getting up again. But can we just- get our stuff and get this over with. I’m hungry. I could really use a sandwich. I think that if we work together and we keep believing we can really pull this- OW!” The lady had thrown another onion at the back of his head. They took it as a sign that it was time for them to leave, but also because Keith's sobbing was making all the buns wet and soggy and so one likes a soggy bun. 

 

They ended up going to Subway and it was good. Eugene’s sister worked there and she had slipped him some of those sweet, sweet coupons, so they didn’t have to pay for their drinks. They might not have conquered the art of sandwich making that day, but they tried. They really did. 

Because they're WHAT?! Try Guys. That's what they are.

PS Zach raised his five corn children to become lovely corn people and they all lived happily ever after. His youngest, Emily, grew up to become an Olympic gymnast.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't under the influence of any substance I was just really tired


End file.
